My name? It’s Oli….i mean Groucho

Friday 23rd May, 2008 - £9,361.55 in debt…

I can’t tell you exactly what I’m doing next week as it’s a top secret mission involving espionage, stealth and quiet browsing. Don’t tell anyone, but Olivia Buck is entering the clandestine world of the mystery shopper. Sshhhhhh…

I’ve always thought mystery shopping would be a bloody good thing to do, especially if I were required to mysteriously shop for some amazing shoes or a new car or something. But I also thought it was a bit too good to be true.

Then yesterday, by chance, I was visiting a friend when she got a phone call from a company called Retail Eyes. She took some notes, asked when the assignment had to be done, put the phone down, donned a panama hat and aviator-style sunglasses, asked me to look after her children “if anything happens – you know…”, and left the house with a £5 note and a look of blind panic.

Who wouldn’t want to be a mystery shopper? The excitement; the glamour; the promise of £7.50 if you hand in your report by 7pm… I wanted a slice of her lifestyle and, by golly, I was going to get it.

The sign-up procedure was simple – a huge contrast to those of the online survey companies and, I suspect, far more worth it in the long run. From now on, I just have to keep up-to-speed with the assignments available (by checking the website) and make sure I can absolutely, definitely complete any assignment I sign up for. Otherwise I will be hunted down and shot in the knees (or so the terms and conditions seem to suggest).

My first assignment is on Wednesday of next week, but obviously it’s all very hush hush. I’ll be paying with unmarked notes and covering my tracks by zig-zagging wildly up the road before entering the shop. Can’t be too careful.

Any advice? Have I said too much? What’s a reasonable price to pay for a bullet-proof vest? Over to you…