”Yeah..uhh..where’s my tax break?”
Wednesday 9th July, 2008 - £8,850.98 in debt…
As you know, I’m 28, and we all know what happens when you get to 28. As if it weren’t bad enough that all your friends are getting married, suddenly you’ve got your parents and everyone else’s parents saying things like “when are you two going to settle down?”, “when are you going to give us some grandchildren?” and “you know I’ve always respected your life choices, but now I’m uncomfortable with you living in sin and Mary down the road agrees with me.”
My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years now, so I expect this kind of pressure from interefering family members. But I wasn’t expecting it from a member of staff at a bank.
Recently, I carried out a mystery shopping assignment at my local branch of a well-known high street bank. According to the rules of mysterious shopping I’m not allowed to say which one, but let’s just say that in future I will be walking straight past their door and heading “another way”.
My assignment stated that I had to make some enquiries about current accounts - I was thinking of switching and would like to know what accounts they offered. This bank offers three main current accounts: a basic one, and two ‘packaged‘ accounts with various benefits and a monthly fee.
If I were to open a packaged account, I would be the proud owner of travel insurance for me and my whole household, wherever we wanted to go in the UK or abroad, even if we just stayed at our local Travelodge. Wow, it’s like the bank staff can’t do enough for me! They’re so lovely I might add them to my Christmas card list! Oh, but hang on - my “household” must all have the same surname.
So, it’s 2008, we can create a monkey-controlled robot arm, but apparently we can’t recognise a “household” without a marriage certificate. And, even if I were married, that wouldn’t be good enough for them unless I changed my name too.
It doesn’t end there. If I’m “lucky” enough to be married by the time I’m 75, my husband will receive a Married Couple’s Tax Allowance (my husband! As if to highlight the unfairness, my HUSBAND receives it unless we specifically ask for it to be split between the two of us - but that’s another rant for another day).
Since when did a married couple need more money than an unmarried one, elderly or not?
I’m not stupid - I do realise that the world of taxes is heavily weighted in favour of those who are most likely to vote (and the situation is only likely to get worse under the Tories). But tax breaks for voters are usually better-disguised than this one, which is so transparently catering towards a majority just for being a majority, it’s embarassing.
What next? “Hello - HM Revenue and Customs. How can I help? You want to know if you’ll receive a benefit for preferring Take That to Boyzone? Let’s see… Yes, you’re in a majority there - you’ll get an extra £2.50 a month for that.
“And you say you dislike Anthea Turner? You’re not the only one - that’s another £6 a month. But hang on - it says here you watched Top Gear instead of the tennis on Sunday. Nice try, matey - you owe us £50.”
