Great footballers, awful chefs

Spain: Olive groves, Toreros, Gazpacho, modern architecture, sandy beaches, misty mountain tops, involuntary bowel movements, nausea…

Say what? Nausea?

Yes it’s true. Spain has been named the ‘Delhi Belly’ capital of the world, ranking higher than India itself.

According to new research from our old friends at Halifax, Spain is the country where most British tourists are likely to fall ill with a nasty case of the green apple splatters.

In a nationwide survey of over 2000 British holidaymakers, nearly a quarter (23%) conceded a trip to Spain had left them with the trots. Greece trailed behind in second place with 13% of the vote, while Turkey and Egypt shared a dubious bronze medal (11% each).

Losing a day of your holiday to food poisoning costs £43 on average. Of the unfortunate holidaymakers affected by food poisoning, almost two out of five (38%) were sick for two or more days, losing the best part of £90 in the process. Alarmingly, only one in five UK tourists take out any form of travel insurance which could cover them for loss of holiday due to illness, so that £90 really is irretrievable.

To avoid spending the majority of your holiday looking down the wrong end of a toilet pan, try following these tips:

• Drink bottled water. If you prefer not to spend on bottled water, make sure you boil water thoroughly before you drink it.

• Avoid drinks with ice.  It may be tempting to have ice in your beverage, especially if you are enjoying your holiday in a hot climate; but ordering ice in your drink increases your chances of getting sick because it often comes from unsafe tap water.

• Avoid eating raw vegetables and fruits. Raw vegetables and fruits may have been ‘cleaned’ with unsafe tap water. Also, eat fruits that you have peeled yourself. The advantages of this are that you will be able to tell more easily if the fruit has gone off and this also reduces the risk of consuming any traces of harmful pesticides on the skin of the fruit.

• Go to clean, popular, tourist-friendly restaurants. Ask staff at your hotel or some affable locals where you can go for a meal. Even better, choose a restaurant where you can see your food being cooked.

• It may sound surprising, but shower with your mouth closed and ensure you do not swallow tap water when you brush your teeth. Even a small amount of water can lead to a serious case of Delhi Belly in some countries.

Hasta la vista Howard….

I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, and this is truly awful news, but Howard Brown, stalwart of many an all singing, all dancing Halifax TV advertising campaign, is to be axed.

If you’re not already familiar with Howard, then you probably don’t own a TV (I’m talking to the residents of Diss here). He’s the guy from the Halifax ‘staff as stars’ TV ads, big round glasses, occasionally seen surfing or rapping in a thick brummy accent about ISAs. You know the guy right?

Well, not anymore, because once this Halifax Regular Savers campaign is over and done with, he’ll be banished from our screens forever.

Good times.

It gets better though. Not only is Howard being consigned to the ‘was funny for five minutes but quickly got pull your fingernails out annoying’ scrapheap along with the Crazy Frog and Barry Scott from the Cillit Bang ads, but his cripplingly irritating friends are going to be joining him there also.

Great times.

Yes, ‘can’t quite master the Mexican wave’ guy from the current ad, big girl who likes to murder Aretha Franklin classics, and the especially obnoxious little berk from the beach ad are all being benched in favour of campaigns described by Halifax as ‘taking a whole new direction’.

Here’s the punch line. These ads, despite casting employees as actors, cost Halifax £18 million a year.

Golden times.