Guilty Pleasures

Your heart starts beating faster…

Your breathing becomes heavier…

You can feel your palms getting sweaty…

That vein in your neck begins to pulsate and your whole body is getting tenser with anger…

“AAAARGH!”

Not being able to get online is annoying for most, but for some it can be painfully frustrating.

New research conducted by YouGov for 118 118 has revealed that as a nation we are officially ADDICTED to the internet. The report revealed that around 44% of internet users are left feeling stressed are confused when they lose access to the internet.

Indeed, Dr Jerald Block (a leading psychiatrist who writes for the American Journal of Psychiatry) asserted earlier this year that internet addiction is now a serious public health issue that should be officially recognised as a clinical disorder.

According to Block, internet addiction has four main components:

• Excessive use, often associated with a loss of sense of time or a neglect of basic drives (i.e. forgetting to eat during your online casino marathon)
• Withdrawal, including feelings of anger, tension and/or depression when the computer is inaccessible (i.e. wanting to throttle your sister when she is hogging Facebook)
• The need for better computers, more software, or more hours of use (i.e. spending seventeen hours playing World of Warcraft)
• Negative repercussions, including arguments, lying, poor achievement, social isolation and fatigue (i.e. “I told you not to look in my private folder!”)

Internet addiction is no joke.

Internet addiction clinics have sprung up around the world and online in an attempt to help people conquer their need for a fix. Indeed, many people have turned (apparently without irony!) to message boards with names such as Internet Addicts Anonymous.

Dr David Lewis, the psychologist who worked on the YouGov study, believes broadband is to blame, suggesting that it is the ever improving availability and affordability of broadband that has fuelled Britain’s obsession with the internet.

Luckily, I have the miracle cures:

• 76% said they could not live without the internet (Simple cure - set yourself free with mobile broadband)
• 19% said they spend more time online than they do with their families each week. (Simple cure - get everyone involved with family friendly broadband)
• 17% said the longest they had been without the internet was less than one day (Simple cure – get unlimited broadband and surf to your heart’s content!)
• 20% pay more attention to the internet than their partners (Simple cure – start dating online and kill two birds with one stone!)
• 17% would miss the internet more than their friends (Simple cure – get a reliable service provider, so you’ll never be without the internet and then, who needs friends?)

So are you really addicted? Well, read the statements below and see how many apply to you…

• When someone tells a funny joke, I say “LOL” instead of laughing.
• I no longer type with punctuation, capitalisation or complete sentences.
• I have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name that’s similar to mine.
• I double click my TV remote.
• When signing important documents I find myself signing my email address instead of my name.
• The only way my friends and family can really get my attention is with an Instant Message.
• When others are using my computer I pace nervously behind them.
• I reach for my mouse during sleep.

If any of the statements above apply to you then yes, I reckon you are addicted and you have my full permission to FREAK OUT.

*Disclaimer*

This is not a scientific questionnaire. Hazel is a joker, not a psychologist.