Pretty please…

Dearest Darling,

Now that you will be “managing” some of our country’s biggest banks, I would like to put in a few requests. I can see that you are a very busy man but now that you are effectively the big boss, I would be very grateful if you could please sort out my banking bugbears and make life easier for us all.

You are making a good start, banning those giant bonuses previously awarded for irresponsible risk taking, but I believe you can do more. The banking system has become a maze of complicated products and deceptive debts so I think it’s time you gave it a spring clean….

Please ensure your new “Darling Banks” do the following:

• Make all financial products as clear and easy to understand as possible.
• Stop trying to confuse the customer with complicated bonus rates and withdrawal penalties on savings accounts, instead just offer good interest rates in simple terms.
• Provide a free (or at least local) customer services number, with real people at the end of the line.
• Treat customer complaints seriously and efficiently, reporting back to the customer frequently until the problem has been resolved.
• Stop offering loans to customers who can’t afford to repay them.
• Justify their penalty fees and charges or reduce them to a reasonable level.
• Reverse negative payment hierarchy on credit cards.
• Ban credit card cheques – the fact these poor value debt inciters are sent out unsolicited is a shocker.
• Train your staff to give quality advice, rather than pushing unsuitable sales.
• Try encouraging people not to get into debt.

Yes, I understand that banks do need to make a profit (especially now all us taxpayers are effectively collective shareholders!), but this should be done with transparent terms and conditions and fair fees and charges.

If you could just work your magic and make these changes pronto, I would be most grateful.

Best Wishes,

Hazel Cottrell

  Iceland faces a meltdown

With the global credit crunch now battering down the doors of banks around the globe, I’m sure the people of Iceland, all 320,000 of them, are wondering what on earth will happen next.

In last 48 hours the country’s banking system has been teetering on the brink of collapse, leaving many British customers with money invested in the country’s biggest banks worried about their savings.

Monday saw Iceland’s largest bank Kaupthing Edge in crisis talks with the government, over fears the economy was about to nosedive.

Yesterday, Iceland announced emergency legislation and plans to help the financial situation. But by the afternoon, the country’s second biggest bank, Landsbanki, was facing a mammoth-sized meltdown, about to be declared insolvent.

British customers who have savings with Icesave were then told they will have to claim compensation from the Icelandic government and the FSCS to get their money back.

Since this, prime minister, Gordon Brown, has promised legal action against the Icelandic government to get the money back, and Chancellor Darling said this afternoon that he will guarantee all UK savers’ money in Icesave.

So, what should be done? Well firstly, if you’re an Icesave customer you may want to read my Q&A article, which will hopefully answer all your questions about the Icelandic banking crisis.

Secondly, if you’re worried about any savings you may have, be that an ISA with Abbey or a HiSave account with ICICI, now is the time to consider spreading them around.

It is not a good idea to have all your savings with one institution, especially if the amount exceeds the £50,000 guaranteed compensation from the FSA. It’s all very good taking advantage of the high interest rates that are on offer; just make sure you play the game wisely.

It’s yet to be seen what will happen with Icesave, but as its parent bank Landsbanki faces liquidation, it’s certain that whatever move is made, the Icelandic economy will need serious reparation after this week.

And what a week it has been. Oh wait, it’s only Wednesday!

  Asta la vista Endsleigh!

After reading Olivia Buck’s blog entry about Endsleigh mis-selling her Payment Protection Insurance, and hearing that Churchill Insurance have had their knuckles rapped by the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) for misleading claims, I wonder how many other insurance companies are out to trick us into paying for services we don’t need, tempt us with enticing offers that don’t exist, or plain and simply, how many just don’t do what it says on their tins?

Churchill Insurance is the latest culprit to join a long list, with one of their ads actually being banned by the ASA after a customer complained that it was misleading.

The ad, which stars the infamous talking dog, asks game show contestants to challenge Churchill on his insurance claims, with one man asking “is it possible to make a claim without filling in any forms?”

“Ooooohhhhh yesssss,” came Churchill’s response. That notoriously annoying catchphrase mimicked by many a middle-aged man thinking he’s even slightly funny…

However, one viewer really did challenge Churchill, pointing out that the ad was misleading because a form was sent out after he’d made an insurance claim.

Defending itself, Churchill Insurance said it does try to sort claims over the telephone “wherever possible,” but added that a fifth of cases required a declaration form or statement to be completed by the claimant.

So, is it possible to make a claim without filling in any forms? “Ooooohhhhh nnoooooo” doesn’t quite have the same ring.

The company apologised and said the claim was used “in error” and that it wouldn’t be repeated in future TV ads.

This isn’t the first time Churchill’s dog has made headlines though. Earlier in the summer the company were criticised, when it was reported that their canine front-dog said a rather offensive swear word immediately after his catchphrase. Of course, a Churchill spokesman denied the swearing.

Churchill isn’t the only bad egg in a battery farm of insurance companies though. Staff at Carphone Warehouse were caught by undercover researchers from BBC One’s Watchdog last autumn, after misleading customers about insurance for the Apple iPhone. The BBC researchers found Carphone staff made false claims about what would happen if a phone was stolen and hadn’t been insured.  According to the BBC, these false claims were made in the hope that “customers would take out the store’s own insurance”.

And back in January last year, a number of firms were slammed by the Financial Services Authority (FSA) for misleading customers, and told that they must stop using savings claims in their advertising that could be deemed misleading.

So are any other insurance companies misleading us? Is anyone safe? Have you fallen foul to a deceptive advertising claim or discovered that your insurance policy wasn’t all you thought it was? Have your say in our forum.

And the moral of the story: Don’t believe everything your told. Especially if it comes from the mouth of a talking dog…

Birthday driving safety?!

Today I discovered a piece of research that actually claims that your date of birth could determine your competence behind the wheel. No joke. Tell me, is this the most outrageously wasted time of a research team ever?

Just to clarify, this is not about which decade you were born in (which perhaps would be slightly more credible), but the actual date you were born - the month and day of your birthday.

Yes, those clever people at elephant.co.uk have managed to produce a list of the “safest” and “worst” drivers, according to their birthdays. I bring you the top five:

Safest drivers

1. 31 May
2. 1 February
3. 1 June
4. 1 September
5. 1 March

Worst drivers

1. 16 September
2. 29 February
3. 24 December
4. 9 December
5. 9 March

But what do these lists mean? If our friend falls in the second list should we politely decline any lifts they offer? Should we inquire of our driver’s DOB every time we hail a taxi? How can you possibly judge someone’s motoring skills based solely on the day they were born?

Clearly I think these lists are a load of rubbish, but then again, maybe I’m just bitter - you see, I appear rather high on one of these lists (and not the good one!).

But seriously, if you crunch enough data you will always find that some form of pattern emerges (just like if you give enough monkeys typewriters you will get the entire works of William Shakespeare). This is all well and good – I have a soft spot for Shakespeare and monkeys - but it means nothing.

You can’t get a cheaper insurance policy based on your birthday, and I can’t see them introducing them any time soon. However, there are other factors which can affect your policy premium…

From older drivers to younger drivers and from those with driving convictions to those who are lucky enough to own a high performance car, there are specific insurance policies which do depend on certain criteria.

When choosing your insurance policy, make sure you shop around and remember that you can sometimes get cheaper deals from certain companies, just for fitting into certain categories.

Ten top tips for cheaper car insurance>>>

Compare car insurance >>>

 Store Card Danger

So today I have one very useful piece of information that you need to know…

It appears that those people flogging store cards are not happy with their already extortionate interest rates and have decided to increase them even further - just in time for Christmas shopping!

Figures from Moneyfacts show that the store cards from Karen Millen, Oasis and Principles have had their rates increased by up to 4.3%, now charging a whopping 28.9% APR on purchases.

This is shocking when you consider that the average credit card interest rate is 17.45% and the best cards on the market offer rates as low as 14.9% and 0% purchase periods as long as a year.

Many store cards have also cut the minimum repayment required, which is clearly another sly ploy to make more money from customers. Although it reduces the monthly payments you are required to make, it could lead to you paying literally hundreds of pounds more in interest!

When you start your Christmas shopping this year, please do think twice before succumbing to these devilish cards. An introductory discount on purchases may seem tempting, but unless you are 100% positive you can pay off the balance in full at the end of every month, you are likely to lose out in the long run.

Even if you can pay off the balance in full, you will probably reap more rewards from a best buy cashback credit card, or if you are really savvy with your money, using one of these money making tricks…

  We Y the credit crunch

After celebrating it’s first birthday last month, the evil that is the credit crunch, has proved it’s still as mean as ever, by wrecking relationships, ruining our bank holiday and raising the price on gap years for already cash-strapped students.

Forgive us if we don’t say many happy returns.

Being a bit of a girly girl, one who appreciates life’s little luxuries, having to cut back on things like buying expensive shampoo, making withdrawals from cash machines that charge, and splurges on ASOS.com, is not something that particularly fills me with joy. Having to walk for miles just to find an ATM machine that doesn’t charge £1.75 for withdrawing £10, is not only an inconvenience, but also highly annoying.

It needn’t be all doom and gloom however, especially for the ladies. As my (overly extensive) research shows, there are quite a few female-friendly pluses to come from a year of penny pinching and belt tightening.

Yes that’s right; the credit crunch is proving to be a positive for women the world over, for more than one high-heeled reason.

Here are my top ten reasons you girls should love and embrace the credit crunch for all it’s worth:

1. You’ll finally be able to kick your otherwise-incurable caffeine addiction, as being able to afford the luxury of a Starbucks (skinny) vanilla latte is now something you only dream of.
2. You’ll be able to circumnavigate awkward situations, since travelling costs so much; you’ll have a genuine excuse to avoid your weird cousin Emily’s wedding in the Dominican Republic.
3. And on the subject of weddings, as we’re all in the same boat, they’ll be no more week-long hen dos, so you can give your credit card, and liver, a well-earned break.
4. You won’t need to update your wardrobe with this season’s must-haves, as vintage is the new chic.
5. The cost of eating out is enough to make you suddenly lose your appetite, so you’ll be looking great in your skinny jeans.
6. There’s no need to pull a sickie, because the credit crunch can now be used as a legitimate reason to take a day off work ill.
7. The waiting list for a handmade Chloé handbag will now be a lot shorter. You’re now customer order 34,642… You should have that bag by the time you’re 92.
8. Supermarkets are officially the new Selfridges. Where else can you get a cashmere jumper, a can of cat food, an energy saving light bulb and a newspaper, and still have change from a tenner?
9. Skint and stuck at home, you’ll have more time to do all those things that you’ve been meaning to do but never quite got around to, like setting up an online bank account, so you can monitor your finances more carefully.
10. And, if worse comes to worse, you can cancel your gym membership without feeling guilty, as running from creditors will burn calories without having to pay £45 a month.

And men, if your wife/girlfriend/other half moans about times being tough I permit you to use one, or all of the reasons above as a polite way of telling her to shut up. Just remember to say “but darling…” in your nicest voice first!

The perfect gift

I do not lie…

Chancellor Darling’s new tax measures are coming into force this month and as a result, all of us basic rate tax payers will be receiving £60 extra in September’s pay packet!

(Well, actually the taxman will just take £60 less than usual, but that’s good enough cash-back for me…)

About 22 million people will receive the rebate, followed by a £10 raise in their net pay for the rest of the tax year. This means basic rate tax payers will save a total of £120 in tax over the year, all because the chancellor has increased the personal allowance for basic rate tax payers by £600 to £6,035

Don’t believe me? Check the HMRC.

But on what should you spend your windfall? If you want to splash out with your £60, you could treat yourself to:

• 6 Kung Fu Pandas
• 30 Bottles of Bucks Fizz
• 40 Ricky Martin CDs
• 48 Tins of SPAM
• 74 Euros (if you’re lucky!)
• 120 Spiderman Socks

Or… 315 Curly Wurlys!

Sound’s like a party to me.

So, what will you buy? Share it in our Forum.

*Disclaimer*

Obviously, the spare cash should go straight towards our ever increasing energy bills, mortgage and debts. But it’s fun to play pretend…

Wyld Stallyns Rule!

If a data entry employee of Lloyds TSB doesn’t like your telephone banking password, they have the power to change or adapt that password without customer consent. That’s the message Lloyds TSB were culpable of sending out yesterday.

Steve Jetley, a previously anonymous individual from a Welsh border town, felt aggrieved at Lloyds TSB for the perceived miss-selling of an insurance policy. In a slightly juvenile move, but one that presumably made him feel like the big man, he changed his Lloyds TSB telephone banking password to:

“Lloyds is Pants”

Upon realising his password had been changed, our man Jetley called the customer services arm of Lloyds TSB, only to be informed his password had been altered, without his consent, to:

“No it’s not”

Naturally, this begs a plethora of questions. Firstly, do low-level Lloyds TSB employees love the company so much that they’re prepared to risk their jobs to uphold the bank’s “untarnished” reputation? Secondly, does that mean passwords are stored simply in plain text? And finally, do they really think Jetley is just going to take this lying down?

Well, if they did then they had another thing coming, when Jetley (in true Jetley style) insisted that he now wanted his password changed to:

“Barclays is Better”

What a card that Steve Jetley is. If it was me, I’d have been taking this security breach a little more seriously.

The upshot? A full apology from bank to Jetley, and Lloyds TSB having to concede the worker in question has now “left” the bank.

A happy ending, but take heed from this tale dear consumers.

 Goldenballs

Q: What do footballers and bankers have in common?

A: Win, lose or draw, they both get remunerated.

Anton Ferdinand, younger (and distinctly more average) sibling of England vice-captain Rio Ferdinand, recently moved from West Ham to Sunderland for a fee of £8 million. The widely claimed reason for the move was Ferdinand junior’s wage demands of £50,000 a week not being met by his current employers.

So what does he do? He joins another club that are prepared to pay him the desired £3 million a year in wages. In his defence, Sunderland was not the only suitor, and this type of practice is commonplace in the modern game.

Equally as recurring are squad players who feature in ten games a season still being paid a yearly wage of multiple millions, and players who’re consistently underperforming and underachieving being remunerated at the same level had they been successful.

The point is, name me another line of business where these kinds of practices are so frequent?

Well, how about the banking sector?

In the words of Mohammad Yunus, 2006 Nobel Prize winner and globally renowned micro-financier/ethical investor talking about the role of banks in the sub-prime crisis:

“The banks gave the impression that they were almost perfect, and then we find there is a fundamental flaw in the structure of the system. The regulators allowed them to bundle the risk so that nobody could see what was inside, and then pass it around the world to people who had nothing to do with it”

Ok, so the Banking/Premier League analogy doesn’t apply here, but delve deeper into the philosophies of Mr Yunus and the parallels become clearer. He continues:

“We don’t seem to be accusing anybody over this whole debacle. It is as if nobody is responsible. We can all go off and play golf: the taxpayer will take care of the problem. When things go well the bankers take the profit, and when it goes wrong they are compensated. This is not symmetrical.”

Paying footballers £3 million a year to (occasionally) compete in a medium-sized business pool (Manchester United turned over £245 million last year, HMV turned over £1895 million) is not symmetrical. Rewarding bankers to offload their own bad investments and walk away from them without recompense (a key driving force behind the credit crunch) is not symmetrical.

Win lose or draw, bankers and footballers get remunerated.

 Handwash - Liquid Gold

In previous posts, I’ve alluded to both fancy coffee and good quality organic food as being two prominent examples of expendable commodities that’ll be benched in the midst of the current economic downturn. I steadfastly refuse to cast aside these essentials though.

But now my old friends at the Co-operative bank (eco-friendly, ethical investors lest we forget) have provided a definitive list of the top twenty items UK consumers have been forced to forgo due to belt tightening and budgeting exercises. The data was accumulated from a YouGov survey of 4000 shoppers.

Here are the top 20 items that the economic slowdown is preventing you from buying.

Cue Jimmy Carr:

(1) Flowers

(2) Magazines

(3) CDs

(4) Bottled water

(5) Posh handwash

(6) Quilted toilet paper

(7) Candles

(8) Branded washing up liquid

(9) Organic produce

(10) Branded food

(11) Fresh coffee

(12) Uncut bread

(13) Nail polish

(14) Fake tan

(15) Multi vitamins

(16) Fabric conditioner

(17) Teeth whitening toothpaste

(18) Wine

(19) Desserts

(20) Napkins

So, my two suggestions made it onto the list at 9 and 11, not as high as I would have anticipated.

Ditching flowers, magazines, CDs and bottled water makes perfect sense to me. Flowers schmowers, magazines come free with the Saturday and Sunday papers, CDs can always be found cheaper online than in shops (ridiculously cheap on Amazon marketplace) and bottled water is just plain silly.

But handwash? Posh handwash? Who even decided to prefix ‘handwash’ with ‘posh’? Handwash isn’t posh, it’s a necessity. Without handwash, your hands get covered in germs and smell bad. Are we, as a nation, shunning handwash en masse? If so, I didn’t get the memo, and handwash is still an integral part of my ablutions.

Casting an eye over the rest, candles I can live without (not just during an economical slump, but forever), don’t need fake tan, Bold Ultra has a built in fabric conditioner and if you’ve got a good knife and fork technique then the need for napkins can be circumnavigated.

Take away my nail polish however and I’ll make you wish you were never born.